If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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