i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
