I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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