dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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