loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
