his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
