at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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