Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
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Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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