I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
