Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
