Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
