the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
