I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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