cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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