At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
