I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
i need some magic done to my vagina
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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