her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
