I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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