I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
