It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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