The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
