so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
