walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
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so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
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He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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