I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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