im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
