I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
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