I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
