I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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