I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
they need to just BURY HIM!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
