I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
