is your mom at the bar?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
