I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
