Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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