sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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