i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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