please come you make the beer taste better
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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