Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
cat food counts as protein by the way
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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