how hairy? two words: wookie tits
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
