You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
