Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
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we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
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The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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