1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
