I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
MIDGETS
????
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
