i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
