I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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