Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
