the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
