I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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