Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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