She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
