oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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