do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
