U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
