dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I think my vagina is haunted
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
