Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
