Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
