Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
