Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
