I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
