Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
