We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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