So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
