I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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