How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
