Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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