so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
