theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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