Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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