He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
