It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
