Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
