Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
